in the depths of depression

a reader writes: I am in the depths of depression, it is hard to breathe each breath, let alone have the energy to be grateful.

My reply:

Thank you for writing.

I am very sorry that you are in the depths of depression. That is a very challenging situation.

There is certainly no single cure-all, but making a list of things you are grateful for is one small step.
See A List of Gratitudes - a Thanksgiving

Whatever you do, DON'T give up. Keep moving forward. Do what you can, and don't sweat the rest.

Do you have a support network? If your friends and others are not sufficient, consider adding a church-based or community-based support group.

Many people find that helping others is a good way to help themselves.

The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

One thing I know: the only ones among you
who will be really happy are those
who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer

If there is anything else I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask.

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading: How to Think Positive

Five Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Sad for No Apparent Reason

Conscious Breathing to Relieve Stress

   

Anxious , Depressed, Job Not Inspiring?

Question from a reader: I feel low, anxious, depressed, job not inspiring, what should I do?

My reply:

1) Look for the high points in your job: co-workers? customers? whatever is uplifting.

2) Consider a different job or becoming self-employed. Those may or may not be viable options, but think seriously about it.

3) Look to get your true satisfaction from sources outside your job. Appreciate your family. Volunteer in your community. Help someone less fortunate than yourself - perhaps volunteer at a food bank or soup kitchen.

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life's most persistent and urgent question is,
'What are you doing for others?'
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you don't like something, change it.
If you can't change it, change your attitude.
- Maya Angelou

The best way to find yourself
is to lose yourself
in the service of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The more we care for the happiness of others,
the greater is our own sense of well-being.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

The best cure for our own self-inflicted suffering
is often service to others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
      

What To Do When You Feel Lonely

A reader writes: Sir, I don't know why I feel lonely always, I can't change this attitude. Please suggest me some tips to come away from this.

My Reply:

My suggestion is for you to think more about helping/comforting other people, and less about yourself and your own troubles.

The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

One thing I know: the only ones among you
who will be really happy are those
who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer

What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?
- George Eliot

For those who are bored with life,
the path to happiness almost always comes
through service to the less-fortunate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
 

Another reader asks about How to Forgive

A reader asks: I am writing to you for guidance as I find it very difficult to forgive someone who hurt me. It is becoming harder for me to live or to face that person. Please help me.

Forgiveness is for you, so you can stop hurting - rather than for the other.
You don't have to forgive someone to their face - just in your own heart.

Also, to the extent practical, avoid the person who has hurt you if you believe they are likely to hurt you again. While you must forgive (for your own well-being), you shouldn't allow anyone to hurt you further.

Here are some articles that may help...

• Forgive and Forget? Can You Really Lift Your Burden of Resentments?
• How to Forgive and Move On
• Regrets, Resentments and the Path to Forgiveness
• Forgiveness is Essential to a Great Relationship
• Practical Forgiveness by Sheri Rosenthal

Forgiveness is really a gift to yourself -
have the compassion to forgive others,
and the courage to forgive yourself.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Forgiveness is an act of self-love and respect.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Forgiveness ... is the finishing of old business
that allows us to experience the present,
free of contamination from the past.
- Joan Borysenko

The key to forgiveness is to forgive from the heart -
not from the mind.
- Sheri Rosenthal

When we hate our enemies, we are
giving them power over us:
power over our sleep, our appetites,
our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.
Our enemies would dance with joy if only
they knew how they were worrying us,
lacerating us, and getting even with us!
Our hate is not hurting them at all,
but our hate is turning our own days
and nights into a hellish turmoil.
- Dale Carnegie

Forgive those who have injured you -
not because they deserve your forgiveness,
but because you can never be happy
until you release your anger and grant forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
    

Physical Pain

Reader question: I experience a lot of pain after a recent surgery, how can I remain joyful and positive in spite of this?

My reply:

Physical pain is the most challenging obstacle we have to face, and the one least amenable to overcoming purely through attitude. Nonetheless..

1. First apply a positive attitude toward the the other issues that are probably accompanying your physical pain, such as… the fear that the pain will get worse or never go away.  Unlike physical pain, fear and worry are relatively easy to overcome through a positive attitude.

2. I find great help from self healing, and those who are more inclined toward prayer healing often find that helpful. There are many systems of self healing or prayer healing, but you can also just keep it very simple. Visualize a white light shining down on the painful area, and give thanks in advance for the healing that is about to occur. Whether is is due to the power of God, the placebo effect, or something else entirely, it does work for those who believe it works.

3. Just take one day at a time — or one minute at a time when the pain is really bad. Believe that tomorrow will be a better day.

Tell your heart that the fear of suffering
is worse than the suffering itself.
- Paulo Coelho

Anyone can heal who believes that he can
and will take the time to put that belief into motion.
- Ernest Holmes

Gratitude in advance is the most powerful
creative force in the universe.
- Neale Donald Walsch

Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day, saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Trust, Forgiveness, and Feeling Wronged

Reader's question: I find it hard to forgive (both myself and others). I feel people have wronged me and sometimes I say "let it be" and at other times want revenge -  which I feel is so wrong, but yet feel the need to hurt the ones who have hurt me. I DO NOT TRUST ANYONE. Do you have any suggestions?

My answer:

Thank you very much for writing

It appears that you may be expecting too much from others, from yourself, and from life in general.

Not “trusting” anyone is generally a good thing. If you don’t know someone well, you have no reason to trust that their actions will be beneficial to you. If you do know someone quite well, you can generally “trust” that their future actions will be very similar to their prior actions. If someone promises to act differently in the future from the way they acted in the past, you can be quite sure that they will be unable to fulfill such a promise.

People always attempt to act in their own best interest - which may or may not be in your best interest. Sometimes a person’s “own best interest” may simply be the warm happy feeling they get from helping another - but don’t count on that unless you know the person very very well. Someone could well pay the toll for the car behind, and then drive home and yell at their spouse.

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
- The Buddha

As far as forgiving those you feel have wronged you, consider whether these people have done something like breaking into your home and stealing something, or whether they have simple failed to meet expectations you set for them.

Regardless of the degree of wrong done to you, forgiving others, like forgiving yourself, and like giving up anger, is for you. Forgiving someone is not a gift to that person, rather it is a gift to yourself.

Forgiveness is an act of self-love and respect.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Forgiveness is really a gift to yourself -
have the compassion to forgive others,
and the courage to forgive yourself.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Anger is an acid that can do more harm
to the vessel in which it is stored
than to anything on which it is poured.
- Mark Twain

These articles may help you…
When You Have Been Wronged
Greed and Betrayal
Practical Forgiveness by Sheri Rosenthal
How to Forgive and Move On
Forgive and Forget? Can You Really Lift Your Burden of Resentments?
Stop Anger Before it Stops You - 7 Secrets
More articles HERE

Overcome Being Negative

Question: (edited)

I am having problems with being negative all the time and judgmental. I used to be much more spiritual. I am in a job where my boss disrespects me and lies to me. I'm actively looking for another job, but I can't find any. I ask God what is my lesson here. I'm afraid and angry. I want to become more spiritual again. What can I do?

Answer:

Your circumstances are certainly challenging. Begin by accepting that you have been given a difficult lot.

We cannot choose our external circumstances,
but we can always choose how to respond to them.
- Epictetus

1. Make a gratitude list. For every complaint you have about your life, write down five things you have to be grateful for.

If you are having trouble filling a long list with gratitudes, you can use A List of Gratitudes for suggestions.

2. Being of service to others will help you regain your joy and your connection with Spirit. Consider that your co-workers are probably treated as badly as you, and are probably as frustrated, angry , and hopeless. Find ways to brighten their lives, and you will brighten your own.

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Check out the Being of Service to Others section of The Secret of Happiness for more ideas on service.

3. Spend time with positive and spiritual people. If you can't find a church group you feel comfortable with, look in your community, and among your positive and spiritually-minded friends.

4. Meditate or pray. See Have a Conversation with God, Today

Read How to Keep a Positive Attitude Around Negative People for more ideas.

You may also find value in these articles...

Regarding gratitude and life

Zero-Based Gratitude

Pay It Forward - as an Expression of Universal Gratitude

Walk to the edge

Question: Can you please tell me what "Walk to the edge" means. [In the poem below]

Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Mary Anne Radmacher's answer [from her wonderful book >Lean Forward into Your Life]

Walk to the edge. Said another way: live boldly. Not an endorsement of recklessness or cavalier behavior, but an urging to push personal limits. Live boldly, not loudly.