Another reader asks about How to Forgive

A reader asks: I am writing to you for guidance as I find it very difficult to forgive someone who hurt me. It is becoming harder for me to live or to face that person. Please help me.

Forgiveness is for you, so you can stop hurting - rather than for the other.
You don't have to forgive someone to their face - just in your own heart.

Also, to the extent practical, avoid the person who has hurt you if you believe they are likely to hurt you again. While you must forgive (for your own well-being), you shouldn't allow anyone to hurt you further.

Here are some articles that may help...

• Forgive and Forget? Can You Really Lift Your Burden of Resentments?
• How to Forgive and Move On
• Regrets, Resentments and the Path to Forgiveness
• Forgiveness is Essential to a Great Relationship
• Practical Forgiveness by Sheri Rosenthal

Forgiveness is really a gift to yourself -
have the compassion to forgive others,
and the courage to forgive yourself.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Forgiveness is an act of self-love and respect.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Forgiveness ... is the finishing of old business
that allows us to experience the present,
free of contamination from the past.
- Joan Borysenko

The key to forgiveness is to forgive from the heart -
not from the mind.
- Sheri Rosenthal

When we hate our enemies, we are
giving them power over us:
power over our sleep, our appetites,
our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.
Our enemies would dance with joy if only
they knew how they were worrying us,
lacerating us, and getting even with us!
Our hate is not hurting them at all,
but our hate is turning our own days
and nights into a hellish turmoil.
- Dale Carnegie

Forgive those who have injured you -
not because they deserve your forgiveness,
but because you can never be happy
until you release your anger and grant forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
    

How can I find what my happiness is supposed to be or look like?

From a reader: I'm going through some life stuff right now. People are always telling me to just 'be happy.' Honestly have no idea what that means... I've lived my life as a single mom. No idea what I'm to do now that they are all 'grown-ups.' How can I find what my happiness is supposed to be or look like when that's always seemed like such a luxury? Thanks.

My reply:

Thank you for writing.

For most people, happiness comes from service. In spite of the challenges and the long hours, I'm sure you received a large portion of happiness from being of service to your children.

The only ones among you who will be really happy
are those who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer

Look for a balance of pampering yourself (which you certainly deserve, and which would be a pleasant change of pace), finding new interests, and finding new ways to be of service to others.

As far as "happiness," that is much more a matter of choosing to be grateful for your life, and choosing to be happy, than a matter of the circumstances of your life.

Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions,
it is governed by our mental attitude.
- Dale Carnegie

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't
come as a result of getting something we don't have,
but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.
- Frederick Koenig

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
   

My Personal Motto

Question from a reader: WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO IN LIFE? AND WHY?

My Answer: I don't know that I have chosen a single personal motto. The "why" is that we can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we react - and that choice creates all our happiness or unhappiness.

The following mottos/quotes all reflect the idea that happiness is a matter of choice, rather than external conditions.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (Serenity Prayer)

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Happiness depends upon ourselves.
- Aristotle

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
It's about learning how to dance in the rain.
- Vivian Greene

Happiness is a choice.
- Anonymous

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We cannot choose our external circumstances,
but we can always choose how to respond to them.
- Epictetus

Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions,
it is governed by our mental attitude.
- Dale Carnegie

Attitude is everything.
- Charles Swindoll

Life is 10 percent what happens to me
and 90 percent how I react to it.
- Charles Swindoll

Choose the World You See, and See the World You Choose.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The beauty does not live out there; the beauty's in my eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My happiness depends on me.
- A Course in Miracles

Happiness is a function of accepting what is.
- Werner Erhard

The key to happiness is not to have what you want
but to want what you have.
- Anonymous

Success is getting what you want;
happiness is wanting what you get.
- Dale Carnegie

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Further reading: 7 Secrets for a Happy Life

Attitude Quotes

Happiness Quotes

Quotes about Choice

s Quotes to Live By

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie