in the depths of depression

a reader writes: I am in the depths of depression, it is hard to breathe each breath, let alone have the energy to be grateful.

My reply:

Thank you for writing.

I am very sorry that you are in the depths of depression. That is a very challenging situation.

There is certainly no single cure-all, but making a list of things you are grateful for is one small step.
See A List of Gratitudes - a Thanksgiving

Whatever you do, DON'T give up. Keep moving forward. Do what you can, and don't sweat the rest.

Do you have a support network? If your friends and others are not sufficient, consider adding a church-based or community-based support group.

Many people find that helping others is a good way to help themselves.

The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

One thing I know: the only ones among you
who will be really happy are those
who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer

If there is anything else I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask.

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading: How to Think Positive

Five Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Sad for No Apparent Reason

Conscious Breathing to Relieve Stress

   

When You are Feeling Depressed and Hopeless

If you are having a major health crisis, I really feel for you. However if you are reasonably healthy, have enough to eat, and have a roof over your head, you have an opportunity to look on the bright side of your life - to appreciate what is right with your life.

I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank

If you want to feel rich,
just count all of the things you have that money can't buy.
- Anonymous 

He is a wise man who does not grieve
for the things which he has not,
but rejoices for those which he has.
- Epictetus 

The enlightened give thanks
for what most people take for granted.
- Michael Beckwith

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.
It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.
- Anonymous

The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain

Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind,
than on outward circumstances.
- Benjamin Franklin

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
   

Anxious , Depressed, Job Not Inspiring?

Question from a reader: I feel low, anxious, depressed, job not inspiring, what should I do?

My reply:

1) Look for the high points in your job: co-workers? customers? whatever is uplifting.

2) Consider a different job or becoming self-employed. Those may or may not be viable options, but think seriously about it.

3) Look to get your true satisfaction from sources outside your job. Appreciate your family. Volunteer in your community. Help someone less fortunate than yourself - perhaps volunteer at a food bank or soup kitchen.

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life's most persistent and urgent question is,
'What are you doing for others?'
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you don't like something, change it.
If you can't change it, change your attitude.
- Maya Angelou

The best way to find yourself
is to lose yourself
in the service of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The more we care for the happiness of others,
the greater is our own sense of well-being.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

The best cure for our own self-inflicted suffering
is often service to others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
      

Thoughts for Times of Grief and Depression

Reader's request: I need some inspiration about grieving and depression.   Your words always help me through each day.   Thank you for all that you do.

Some thoughts for times of grief and depression...

If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
- Og Mandino

The only cure for grief is action.
- G. H. Lewes

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
- C. S. Lewis

Affirmation:
I gather strength from life's storms.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

More at...
www.jlhuie.com/search/label/grief
www.jlhuie.com/search/label/depression
www.dreamthisday.com/quotes-sayings/grief/

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fired and Depressed

A reader's question: I was terminated from my job. Since I was fired, I am not able to move on, and am feeling very depressed because I think I was working hard and was going the extra mile to help them. I miss my co-workers because they were very nice to me and I was considering them as my sisters. I am lonely. I don't know if I should go to my previous workplace to talk to my ex-co-workers, because I am afraid of their reactions. I want to move on but I am not able to. Please help me.

My answer:

It is most important that you find new and positive things to think about. If you want to invite one or two of your ex-workplace friends to have lunch with you one day, that might be good, but I would recommend against returning to your former place of employment.

Positive things to focus on.

1. Talking to good friends about leads for a new and better job.

2. Get out in nature for a three hour walk by yourself to clear your head.

3. Find a supportive group. If you belong to a church, that is a good place to begin. Otherwise, call upon good friends, or a community group, or see what's in your area at www.meetup.com (look for a larger established group - and always use common sense).

4. A great way to feel better about yourself is to help others. Look for an opportunity to volunteer your time in your community (for example, at a soup kitchen for the homeless) or for your church.

These articles may help you further:

The Silver Lining of Losing Your Job

What to Do When Your Whole World is Falling Apart

Ten Little Tips to Feel Happier Right Now

There are many more of my articles HERE.

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Depressed? Laugh!

The next time you feel depressed, try this very simple technique. It also works equally well whenever you are angry or worried.

Laugh! That's all there is to the cure. Get away from other people so you won't feel embarrassed or get asked questions. Then laugh for 60 seconds. If you can find something humorous in your depressing (or upsetting, or concerning) situation, laugh about that.

If you can find absolutely nothing to laugh at, then just force yourself to go through the motions of laughing for 60 seconds. Just the physical activity of laughing will greatly decrease your depression, anger, and/or worry.

Try laughing for 60 seconds, and see whether you don't feel much better afterward.

Another very effective technique is to put a smile on your face whenever you feel depressed, worried, or afraid. Even if you can find nothing to smile about, put your mouth into a smile position. Pretty soon your smile will begin to feel genuine, and you will begin feeling better about your life.

Forcing yourself to laugh or smile isn't just a pretense. Laughing and smiling really do cause physiological changes: your muscles relax, your blood pressure decreases, and your hormone levels change - higher endorphin levels and lower stress hormone levels.

Over 30 and Not Married

Question: Do you have anything inspirational for my beautiful daughter to make her realize that her love will appear one day. She is afraid because she wants kids and she is over 30 already and all her friends are married and with kids!! What can a mother tell her? Help. Any special sayings that will help her understand what is happening?

My Answer:

It is so true that being young can be a huge emotional challenge.

My two messages for your daughter are that she will find the right man when the time is right -- and even more important, that there is more to life than getting married, and that the less she tries to force the issue, the more likely she is to connect with the right man.

This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.
- Anonymous

You have to believe in yourself.
- Sun Tzu

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life.
With confidence, you have won even before you have started.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
- Lee Ann Womack

To thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare

Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone.
And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.
- Paul Tillich

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank


May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing to look forward to

Question: I worry a lot. I have depression & anxiety. I'm alone. I have no one, no children, just me & my cat. Have health problems that confine me, I'm not happy at all. I'm miserable. I feel like I exist, not living. I have nothing to look forward to.

My answer:

1. You don't mention a spiritual practice. That is very helpful to most people.

2. You are likely to be happier if you help others to be happier - even if it is just something you do for others over the telephone or internet.

3. Focus on the good things that you do have - however small they may seem.

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell


May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Needing To Feel Needed

Question: Dear Mr. Huie, It gets harder everyday to be strong yet unemotional. I would help anyone, but it is hard when no one listens to me. I feel so alone sometimes. I need to feel better about myself on my own. A special person in my life told me, "If you can't love yourself, you won't be able to love anyone else." But, I want to keep my loved ones happy and sometimes I get so deep into helping them by saying "I will do it for you. Don't worry. I'm there for you. I will help you." Sometimes I just want to give up, because I feel I'm talking to myself and I get very depressed and feel like no one needs me. Please point me in the right direction. Thank you.

Answer:

There is sometimes a very fine line between being of service to other people and being a "people pleaser." Being of service is about making other people's lives better, while being a "people pleaser" is about one's own need to feel appreciated. Often the actions we take contain elements of both - we truly do want to benefit the other, and we also want them to appreciate us.

When one does something purely from the motivation of being of service, one doesn't care whether the recipient even knows who did it. Think for example of the virtually anonymous service of volunteering to wash dishes behind the scenes at a soup kitchen.

In contrast, the motivation for being a "people pleaser" is seeking recognition from someone - or, far more harmful to one's self-esteem, fearing that saying No to someone's request might cause that person to distance themself.

There is great wisdom in the idea that you need to truly love yourself before you can successfully love someone else. Until you are filled with love, you don't have any love to give to anyone else. Also, until you yourself are happy, you really don't have any happiness to share with others. The greatest gift you can give to those you care about is sharing your own joy with them.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
- Bill Cosby

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
"Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Further reading: More about Pleasing Everyone

Aesops Fable: The Miller, His Son, and the Ass

How to Choose Your Life Purpose

Five Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Sad for No Apparent Reason

Quotes about Being Needy

Life Purpose Quotes

Coping with Heartbreak

The February 2011 issue of Scientific American has an article on the chemistry of love. A variety of chemicals and the corresponding receptors in your brain undergo dramatic changes when you are in love, and the opposite changes when you are heartbroken. For example, when you are in love, the changes in brain chemistry cause anxiety and fear levels go down, while trust increases.

In general, the chemical changes that occur when one experiences romantic love, maternal love, or unconditional love are similar, and are positive effects - with the caveat that love can make one overly trusting and open to deception.

Conversely, the chemistry of being broken-hearted is almost all negative. But it isn't hopeless. Here are several suggestions to help manage heartbreak.

Take advantage of the fact that all forms of love have related benefits. If you have lost a romantic partner, focus on building other forms of love.

1. Spend more time with young children. Offer to babysit for relatives and friends.

2. Reconnect with old friends and reminisce about good times you had together.

3. Be of service to the less fortunate. Perhaps volunteer to visit shut-ins. Focus on your unconditional love for all humans.

4. Get a cat or small dog. Look for one that likes to sit on your lap or next to you on the couch.

Exercise. There are some similarities between the chemistry of love and the chemistry of exercise. If your doctor says your health supports it, break a sweat. While walking and other light exercises are great in general, the mood-enhancing effects of exercise mostly come after your workout gets you sweating.

Medication. If your heartbreak is causing severe depression, your doctor can prescribe medication to adjust your brain chemistry.

May today be your day to dance lightly with life
to sing wild songs of adventure,
to invite rainbows and butterflies out to play,
to soar your spirit and unfurl your joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie