in the depths of depression

a reader writes: I am in the depths of depression, it is hard to breathe each breath, let alone have the energy to be grateful.

My reply:

Thank you for writing.

I am very sorry that you are in the depths of depression. That is a very challenging situation.

There is certainly no single cure-all, but making a list of things you are grateful for is one small step.
See A List of Gratitudes - a Thanksgiving

Whatever you do, DON'T give up. Keep moving forward. Do what you can, and don't sweat the rest.

Do you have a support network? If your friends and others are not sufficient, consider adding a church-based or community-based support group.

Many people find that helping others is a good way to help themselves.

The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

One thing I know: the only ones among you
who will be really happy are those
who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer

If there is anything else I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask.

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading: How to Think Positive

Five Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Sad for No Apparent Reason

Conscious Breathing to Relieve Stress

   

When You are Feeling Depressed and Hopeless

If you are having a major health crisis, I really feel for you. However if you are reasonably healthy, have enough to eat, and have a roof over your head, you have an opportunity to look on the bright side of your life - to appreciate what is right with your life.

I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank

If you want to feel rich,
just count all of the things you have that money can't buy.
- Anonymous 

He is a wise man who does not grieve
for the things which he has not,
but rejoices for those which he has.
- Epictetus 

The enlightened give thanks
for what most people take for granted.
- Michael Beckwith

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.
It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.
- Anonymous

The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain

Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind,
than on outward circumstances.
- Benjamin Franklin

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
   

What To Do When You Feel Lonely

A reader writes: Sir, I don't know why I feel lonely always, I can't change this attitude. Please suggest me some tips to come away from this.

My Reply:

My suggestion is for you to think more about helping/comforting other people, and less about yourself and your own troubles.

The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

One thing I know: the only ones among you
who will be really happy are those
who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer

What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?
- George Eliot

For those who are bored with life,
the path to happiness almost always comes
through service to the less-fortunate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
 

When You Have Been Wronged

You have tried really hard to see the situation from the other person's point of view. And you have tried really hard to convince yourself that being "right" about this issue isn't as important as your happiness. And you are still feeling wronged - and very angry - and outraged. Now what?

First, what not to do...

Try to avoid feeling helpless. Having a "victim" mentality will only make things far worse. You aren't weak. You aren't a loser. You haven't even lost the war. You have just lost one particular battle. So reaffirm your strength, your ability, and your confidence in yourself.

Avoid revenge - or thoughts of revenge - for two reasons. 1. You are likely to injure yourself - physically, emotionally, and legally - far more than you damage the other person. 2. If you are the kind of person I hope you are, your value system prohibits you from harming another person (however much you may feel in the instant the urge to "wring their neck").

So what can you do?

Attempt to approach the situation neither with an attitude of weakness, nor an attitude of aggression, but with an attitude of personal strength and a commitment to your goals and values. Find another way to reach your goals rather than either retreating or crashing again and again into a more powerful opponent.

If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
- Michael Jordan

Remember that you have no "rights." Don't base your actions or feelings on your own expectation of how things "should" be. At the same time, be VERY careful to avoid equating "having no rights" with being helpless. You can "have no rights" and still be a strong and confident person.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

Release the problem to your higher power.

I will gather myself around my faith,
for light does the darkness most fear.
- Jewel

And find a way to laugh at the situation, and at yourself.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter.
If you can find humor in anything, even poverty,
you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby

Truth isn't True. Reality isn't Real.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Truth isn't True. Reality isn't Real.
- jlh

We have language. We have tradition. We have cultural and community norms. But we have neither truth nor reality.

I make the bold assertion that EVERYTHING we do and EVERYTHING we believe is a result of what we have observed as children and observe in our family and community!

If you had been born in the Mid-East, there is a very high probability that you would be very sure that Islam was the one RIGHT religion. If you lived before Einstein, you would be very sure solid matter was solid (rather than being mostly empty space and several kinds of energy, as we now know). If you had lived 500 years ago, you would know for sure that the earth was flat and stationary.

If you were born in 2300, I can't even guess about most of what you would know for sure, but without doubt, you would consider those people who lived in the early 21st century to be very ignorant and superstitious.

So what now? Assuming that you take my assertion seriously, what can you do about it? You can't gain access to science that hasn't yet been discovered. You can't begin to live in ways that are dramatically different from the accepted norms in your community without severe consequences. What can you do?

What you can do is to begin to question even the most fundamental assumptions you have about life and living. Do this not necessarily with an eye to changing how you live, but simply as a learning experience. Examine where your assumptions come from. And then consciously choose to accept the cultural norms - or not.

Read more at Perspective on Tradition: An Open Mind