It Is Up To You

Reader question: dear sir , i really do have somewhat of a big problem , at least that whats i consider to be . i tend to care a great deal about people but they don't tend to return that care or love back , its not like i want something in return but i just think it would be nice if things are balanced , and it really gets me confused as in what to do .. need a few ideas on how to deal with such people.. thanks a lot .. Looking forward to hearing from you ..

My response:

It is about you - it is not about them.

Life isn't fair - or balanced.

It is up to you to live a joyful and productive life.

Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi

Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is NOT "Supposed to be Fair."
Know that there is no single way that life is "supposed" to be.
Demanding that life meet our expectations
is a sure fire recipe for a miserable existence.
Life is a game with no rules.
Life just happens to us regardless of our best intentions.
Our only path to happiness lies in being open
to receiving whatever life throws at us -
with Gratitude. Have NO Expectations of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading: Zero-Based Gratitude

Life is Not Supposed to be Fair

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The Book of Life

Reader's question: In your quote, what do you mean by "writ small in the margin"?

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My answer:

Have you ever had the experience of borrowing a book from a library - or buying a used book - and finding that someone has written in the margins of some of the pages? Usually those notes are worthless, but occasionally the notes are more insightful than the book itself.

So in my metaphor comparing the "book of life" with a real book, I suggest that the true meaning of life is not easy to find (written in the book itself), but hidden for only the truly alert and inquisitive to find (written small in the margin).

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Eight Rules for Living Your Greatest Life

Eight Rules for Living Your Greatest Life

1. Honor yourself
Trust yourself, believe in yourself, and always act with honor.

2. Forgive both others and yourself for whatever has occurred.
Anger, hatred, vengeance, shame and guilt only hurt you further. Only complete forgiveness can create a joyful future.

3. Be grateful for all of life.
Be thankful you were born. Be thankful for every moment, for every bite of food, for each small joy. You were owed none of this. Everything is a gift.

4. Choose with open mind and open heart.
Make your own decisions, and make each decision from unconditional love.

5. Act from your vision.
Know your life purpose, and live each day to further that purpose.

6. Take action.
The best intentions mean nothing without action. Take action toward your life purpose each day.

7. Celebrate your life.
Let your life be a song and dance of celebration.

8. Know unity with Spirit and with all of creation.
Everything in creation is of the same masterwork. Everything is one.

Further reading: Eight Points of An Inspired Life - Keys to Happiness

How to Choose Your Life Purpose

Zero-Based Gratitude

Forgiveness

s Choose Your Habits, Choose Your Life

Plant Trees For Your Grandchildren

Is there a place for Honor today?

Is It True That There is Virtue In Avoiding Battles?

Question: Jonathan. Do you personally believe in the quote below? I do not.. I think it's tantamount to giving up without a fight. Some battles and problems which we do not clear today, will follow us wherever we go or might one day come back to us. If we choose to run away today without fighting them, there is a strong possibility of us thinking back in the future of 'what ifs'. But if we fight and give our best and still lose the battle, at the very least, we'll know in the future we tried.

Part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting battles,
but in avoiding them. A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.
- Norman Vincent Peale

My Answer:

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (Serenity Prayer)

There are battles well worth fighting, and there are other battles far better walked away from. The great challenge is to distinguish one from the other.

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A Roadmap for a Joyful Life

If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)

If your life is filled with purpose and joy, congratulations. You are doing exactly what is right for you.

However, if you are suffering, and wonder what your life is all about, read on. These 9 steps describe my own path to joyful living, and may be helpful to others.

1. Live for a while without questioning life.

2. Question the meaning of life. The trigger for this is usually some big disappointment such as an illness, a death in the family, job loss, financial setback, or a romantic breakup.

3. Look for the meaning of life in money, fame, or sexual conquests.

4. Be severely disappointed, and question life even more strongly.

5. Look for the meaning of life in organized religion. For some, this provides a satisfying answer. For others...

6. Be severely disappointed by organized religion.

7. Look for the meaning of life in service to the less fortunate, in family life, and in a personal connection with the Indwelling and Universal Spirit.

8. Make the conscious choice to live a joyful life of service, and oneness with Spirit and all of creation.

9. Live joyfully in gratitude for all of life.

One of the secrets of life is that
all that is really worth the doing
is what we do for others.
- Lewis Carroll

I am pleased to have everyone add their comments below. I ask those who have found their own life-answer inside organized religion to add their personal testament below, but not to attack those who find a different path to joyful living.

Further reading: How to Choose Your Life Purpose

Perspectives on the Nature of God - Which of these Five Views Matches Yours?

Trust in the Light

Unanswered Prayers

Have a Conversation With God, Today

Zero-Based Gratitude

Feel Your Connection With the Infinite - a Meditation

Grant That I May Radiate

Play to win, but be a good loser.

Question: Dear Sir, I read your post on anger which stated that accept with gratitude what life throws at you, however, is it really possible?
Its easy to say that accept what life throws at you but how to really do this? When you take a task at hand it is with an expectation that you will come out with flying colors and of course you will feel terrible when things don't go your way. You had put in efforts so that things could go your way, you can extract from life what you want. Otherwise why would anyone put any efforts?

My Answer:

As they would say in children's sports, "Play to win, but be a good loser."

Team sports really do create quite a good mini-model of life. Some days you win. Some days you lose. If you don't accept today's loss with grace and courage, you never get to play (and win) tomorrow.

Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is.
- Vince Lombardi

Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

It's one of life's great paradoxes ...

Accepting with gratitude whatever life throws at us is critical to happiness.

Yet without a goal and commitment, life lose much of its value.

The best we can do in the face of this paradox is to play to win, but be cheerful in defeat, and be ready to play again.

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

How to Cope When Life Lands a One-Two Punch?

Maybe you got fired, you can't find a job, your bank account is overdrawn, and life looks hopeless. Maybe you or your family is suffering a health crisis, or your spouse left your long-term-marriage. Whatever the specifics, when they attack, troubles seem to gang up on you. One problem leads to another until you feel your world is ending. The loss of job, health, or marriage leads to loss of financial security, and any sort of crisis leads to emotional depression. How to cope when life lands a one-two punch?

Respond to the crisis with a three-phase counter-attack:

1. Acceptance: Before you can recover from a crisis, you have to acknowledge that the devastation before your eyes is real. When life broadsides you, your first instinct is to look at the flaming crumpled wreck in disbelief and think, "This isn't real, this can't have just happened." But it did happen, and you can't move back the hands of time and ask the director for take-two. This isn't a movie, it's your real life. As William Shakespeare said, "What's done is done."

True acceptance requires giving up all resentments and regrets. Blame is not going to fix anything. Screaming at your ex-boss or ex-husband or sticking pins in their voodoo doll isn't going to change your situation, and it will make you feel even more upset.

The key to acceptance is forgiveness of everyone, especially yourself, for everything that has ever occurred. Forgiveness is for yourself - so you can release yourself from the fires of anger and hatred that will otherwise burn your spirit to a cinder. Adopt an attitude of forgiveness - not so your ex-boss or ex-husband can sleep better, but so you can transform your own nightmares into sweet dreams.

2. Faith: If you are deeply religious, you know what this means. In any case, have faith in your own abilities and in your future.

3. Action: Acceptance and faith are important, but they are not enough. Believe in the future and don't worry, but also keep taking action.

When you get hit by a sequence of challenges, such as job loss, financial worries, and depression, you need to respond with all three: Acceptance, Faith, and Action.

Release Exercise

Life is Not Supposed to be Fair

Choose Your Habits, Choose Your Life

Growth in Spiritual Life and Career

Question: My growth in my spiritual life and career has stalled, and I have not reached where I should be. Please, what should I do?

My Answer:

There is no particular way your life "should be." Relax, and appreciate your life as it is.

Decide what your highest priorities in life are. Give more attention to those, and spend less time on "obligations" that don't further the priorities of your life.

There are lots of my articles on these subjects at
www.how-to-self.com/self-help/

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Paint your life in bold colors

Today is your day to smile broadly, sing loudly, paint your rooms in bold colors, search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny, have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner, wear a purple coat with a red hat - a day to dance lightly with life.
- jlh

Regarding gratitude and life

Question: I am confused regarding gratitude and life ... so how do we improve our life if we are supposed to be happy with what we got all the time ?

My Answer:

That is a great question. The answer comes in two parts...

1. If you truly are happy, what else would you want? How could you "improve" upon a truly 100% happy life?

2. Blessings flow toward gratitude. If you give thanks for your affluence, the love in your life, and so forth, that gratitude acts as a magnet to attract more affluence, love, and other blessings into your life. This works both energetically and in the physical world. Imagine that you give a small gift to each of two friends. One of them smiles at you and says, "Thank you so much." The other frowns and says, "Is this all you are giving me?" To which of your friends are you more likely to give another, larger, gift? That is the way Spirit works.

It is my practice to be grateful every day for ALL of life. Whatever appears to be a burden is either a deferred blessing or a lesson. Who am I to know Spirit's intention for me, so I believe in the future and I am grateful.

Each of us has been infinitely blessed - beginning with the gift of life. Whatever may appear to be missing or broken on any particular day, our glass is not half full, it is 99.9% full. More practically, when we feel ungrateful, we become unhappy and stressed. When we choose to feel and express our gratitude, the act of feeling and speaking our thanks creates a happiness within us. The more we express our gratitude, the more we have for which to be grateful.

I'm happy with how I've lived my life because I choose to be happy. Regrets and resentments are a sure path to unhappiness, so I am very careful to avoid them. I consciously forgive myself for any choices I made in the past that I would not repeat today.

I Receive ALL of Life with Thanksgiving - I have gratitude for EVERYTHING that has ever occurred to bring me to this moment. I give thanks for the joys and the sufferings, the moments of peace and the flashes of anger, the compassion and the indifference, the roar of my courage and the cold sweat of my fear. I accept gratefully the entirety of my past and my present life.

Today in My World: Let Today be a day to be grateful for everything. NOTICE all of life. Observe the tastes and smells, as well as the sights and sounds. Notice the gentle breeze, the bird, the flower, the tree. Pay attention to the baby and the kitten. Take five minutes today to place several pieces of fruit or other pleasant food in a bowl, and give thanks. Hold the bowl reverently, and give thanks for all of life.

How To Be Happy In Life - The 9 Paths To Happiness

How To Be Happy In Life - The 9 Paths To Happiness
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sometimes it appears that life throws more obstacles in our path than we can handle. However, even in the face of the most challenging circumstances, you can make the choice to be happy.

Read the rest of my article at How to Be Happy in Life.