More thoughts on accepting others as they are

I have been asked to say more about this quote, and what if the other person causes relentless pain...

Happiness lies in accepting everyone
in our lives EXACTLY as they are.
We cause ourselves untold misery whenever
we believe others to be imperfect and try to change them.
This is the number one rule for a happy relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A person might (or might not) be able and willing to change themself, but we have virtually no ability to change the nature of another person. Complaining, getting angry, making threats, etc, just further entrench a person in their unpleasant ways.

What each of can control is our own response to the other person.

Let's say that the situation is a married couple who love each other and mostly like each other, but are annoyed by minor defects in the other, like tending to be late for appointments. In this case, I would say to focus on what is good, to avoid criticism, and to lovingly attempt to look at the lateness as a quirk rather than as a defect.

But if the issue is repeated affairs or drunkenness, that's totally different.  Personally, I'd recommend separation when possible, which it isn't always.

Let's say the problem person is your boss. Same answer. If the issues are minor, focus on the positive, and choose to accept the rest with joy and an upbeat attitude. But if the issues are serious, get a new job.  In any case, never cling to the hope that another will change.

Also note that love vs. hate  is a separate issue from how much time you choose to spend with another.  You can still hold good feelings toward a person (and avoid hating them) even if you find you no longer want to spend time with them.  A marriage or job can end without creating enemies (of course that requires both parties to act like adults).

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

How to Find a Partner in Life

Question: I am separated. I don't want to be alone forever. I need partner in life. Please help.

My Answer:

Remember that you don't "need" a life partner - although you may strongly prefer one.

Participate in many fun social activities that include people of both genders - but are not dating related. You will have a good time, no longer be lonely, and are more likely to find that one special person that way than through dating connections.

When you are relaxed and having fun, you are more attractive to others - as well as being happier - than when you have a single-minded focus on your "need" for a life partner.

There are a few more ideas at www.how-to-self.com/move-on-let-go

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Over 30 and Not Married

Question: Do you have anything inspirational for my beautiful daughter to make her realize that her love will appear one day. She is afraid because she wants kids and she is over 30 already and all her friends are married and with kids!! What can a mother tell her? Help. Any special sayings that will help her understand what is happening?

My Answer:

It is so true that being young can be a huge emotional challenge.

My two messages for your daughter are that she will find the right man when the time is right -- and even more important, that there is more to life than getting married, and that the less she tries to force the issue, the more likely she is to connect with the right man.

This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.
- Anonymous

You have to believe in yourself.
- Sun Tzu

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life.
With confidence, you have won even before you have started.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
- Lee Ann Womack

To thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare

Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone.
And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.
- Paul Tillich

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank


May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie