A Question about Forgiveness and Moving On when Hurt

Question from a reader: How can I forgive a person who has taken advantage of me and abused me. I am in a relationship with a person who has lied over and over, and when things don't go his way he just walks out. I want to be able to move on, am ready for that, but I just feel like he has hurt me so much emotionally and spirituality, and he gets to go on like nothing happened.

My reply:

Take care of yourself - nothing more, nothing less.

Move on with no regrets, and as few resentments as you can possibly manage. Whatever anger you feel will only hurt you, not him. Any thoughts of revenge only hurt you, not him.


Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson

Once you have seen the truth
you must make the decision to let go
of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding on to.
This requires you to take action.
If you are attached to your pain, resentment,
and self-righteousness, and addicted to your emotional reactions,
this will be a difficult step for you.
Taking action requires letting go of the very thing
you have been holding on to for so many years.
There is comfort in what we find familiar,
even if we are experiencing pain and suffering.
The pain and suffering itself becomes the familiarity we seek.
It takes absolute faith in yourself
plus courage, will, and discipline to let go.
But once you let go, it will be as if
the weight of the world has been taken off your shoulders.
In this process it is important to forgive
not just the others in our lives, but also ourselves.
For most people, giving ourselves
the gift of forgiveness is very challenging.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Forgiving others is a gift to yourself,
given not because the other deserves pardon,
but because you deserve the serenity and joy
that comes from releasing resentment and anger,
and from embracing universal forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Forgiveness is not always easy.
At times, it feels more painful
than the wound we suffered,
to forgive the one that inflicted it.
And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.
- Marianne Williamson


May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fired and Depressed

A reader's question: I was terminated from my job. Since I was fired, I am not able to move on, and am feeling very depressed because I think I was working hard and was going the extra mile to help them. I miss my co-workers because they were very nice to me and I was considering them as my sisters. I am lonely. I don't know if I should go to my previous workplace to talk to my ex-co-workers, because I am afraid of their reactions. I want to move on but I am not able to. Please help me.

My answer:

It is most important that you find new and positive things to think about. If you want to invite one or two of your ex-workplace friends to have lunch with you one day, that might be good, but I would recommend against returning to your former place of employment.

Positive things to focus on.

1. Talking to good friends about leads for a new and better job.

2. Get out in nature for a three hour walk by yourself to clear your head.

3. Find a supportive group. If you belong to a church, that is a good place to begin. Otherwise, call upon good friends, or a community group, or see what's in your area at www.meetup.com (look for a larger established group - and always use common sense).

4. A great way to feel better about yourself is to help others. Look for an opportunity to volunteer your time in your community (for example, at a soup kitchen for the homeless) or for your church.

These articles may help you further:

The Silver Lining of Losing Your Job

What to Do When Your Whole World is Falling Apart

Ten Little Tips to Feel Happier Right Now

There are many more of my articles HERE.

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Time to Move On

Question: I have suffered a lifetime of abuse, disrespect and humiliation within the circle of my immediate family. I have finally walked away and expressed that I will not ever, ever, ever, tolerate disrespect, ever again. What do you suggest Mr. Huie, to ease the pain.

My Answer:

Yes, be done with those who continue to hurt you.

Try to let go of the anger and hate, but be done - and don't look back.

Build other relationships. Join supportive groups. Especially look for opportunities to be of service to those less fortunate than yourself.

Read my article How to Move On and Let Go

These two article are addressed to somewhat different problems, but you may find some relevant thoughts in them: How to Forgive and Move On Don't Stay in a Broken Marriage "For the Children"

Once you have seen the truth,
you must make the decision to let go
of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding on to.
This requires you to take action.
If you are attached to your pain, resentment,
and self-righteousness, and addicted to your emotional reactions,
this will be a difficult step for you.
Taking action requires letting go of the very thing
you have been holding on to for so many years.
There is comfort in what we find familiar,
even if we are experiencing pain and suffering.
The pain and suffering itself becomes the familiarity we seek.
It takes absolute faith in yourself
plus courage, will, and discipline to let go.
But once you let go, it will be as if
the weight of the world has been taken off your shoulders.
In this process it is important to forgive
not just the others in our lives, but also ourselves.
For most people, giving ourselves
the gift of forgiveness is very challenging.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

See more quotes about moving on

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie