An Exchange with a Reader about BLAME

The August 17, 2015 Daily Inspiration message was about Blame, and featured quotes such as...

Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past.
Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.
- John F. Kennedy

It is an act of great Courage to forsake all Blame.
Take responsibility for your whole life -
regardless of circumstances.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In response, a reader wrote:
Nice sentiments, but almost wholly unrealistic.  So much pain is daily inflicted upon people by others, everywhere in the world.  To turn a blind eye to the cause of that pain is not healthy and would never eradicate the sources of the pain or the behavior of the people or institutions that cause it.  Moreover, placing the slightest tinge of blame or responsibility on oneself for the pain inflicted on them by others is horribly psychologically unhealthy.  I love this site and most of its offerings, but it is way off base with these ideas.  They would likely lead victims into depression or worse.  It is far better to face reality and deal with what is, placing the blame and the responsibility where it belongs.

My response to the reader:

Thank you very much for writing. You raise some of the most important points about the nature of our earthly existence.

Absolutely, pain is inflicted upon us daily by others who don't know us personally (politicians, investment bankers, etc), by natural forces [God?] (diseases, hurricanes, earthquakes, etc.), as well as by those who know us personally and may wish us harm.

I fully agree with you that one should recognize the sources of our pain, and certainly that we must not blame ourselves for the pain.

Now, the question is how to best deal with the circumstances we are subjected to. One choice is to say, "woe is me, I am a helpless victim, please feel sorry for me." A second choice is to become enraged and to focus one's energies on searching for a way to inflict revenge. A third choice is to live the happiest and most productive life we can in the face of the circumstances life has dealt us.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
- Buddhist proverb

My personal choice, and the choice I advocate for my readers, is to avoid labeling myself a "victim," to avoid resentments and regrets, to avoid anger and any attempt at revenge, and to be as happy and productive as I can.

And yes, I very much do choose to take action against people or forces that cause me pain - not from the perspective of anger/revenge, but from the perspective of preventing further harm to myself or others. (Consider a hurricane. One can't very well take revenge on a hurricane, but one can rebuild further from the ocean, and use stronger construction techniques.)

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
   

Technology Will Fail - Natural Disasters Will Happen - Prepare Yourself

All kinds of technology, from all vendors, will fail. It is just the nature of life. Communications networks fail. Websites fail. Computers fail. Cell Phones fail. Power plants and electrical grids fail. Medical devices fail. And hurricanes, earthquakes, and floods will happen.

No amount of complaining, blaming, or begging will keep systems and devices from failing, or reverse the failures. And the physical processes of our earth are equally unswayed by complaints of unfairness.

Prepare yourself. Assume every electronic, mechanical, human, and natural system will fail - just when you most depend upon it.

1. Take those steps you can to minimize the effects of failures and catastrophes. Backup the data in your computer every day. Keep a copy of data in a second location. Make plans for reconnecting with your family if communications systems fail. Keep a stock of food, water, and medicines at home, and ready to throw into your car. Consider everything you are dependent upon, and have a backup plan.

2. Even more important, prepare yourself emotionally for the probability that technology, systems, people, and nature will suddenly stop doing what you have always depended upon them to do. Prepare yourself in advance to accept the loss of any of the modern conveniences you have come to expect will always be there. If you are emotionally prepared, you will be able to deal with technology failures and natural happenings in a rational way. You will be prepared to consider alternatives and make logical choices, rather than becoming confused, complaining that it isn't fair, and demanding that someone make the problem go away.

Life isn't fair - never has been, and never will be. Your job is simply to do your best with what you are given - even when that changes from day to day, or moment to moment.

Further reading: Life is Not Supposed to be Fair

Abundance or Scarcity? Love or Fear?

Assumptions

Expectations

Life is All in the Perspective We Take on It