An Exchange with a Reader about BLAME

The August 17, 2015 Daily Inspiration message was about Blame, and featured quotes such as...

Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past.
Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.
- John F. Kennedy

It is an act of great Courage to forsake all Blame.
Take responsibility for your whole life -
regardless of circumstances.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In response, a reader wrote:
Nice sentiments, but almost wholly unrealistic.  So much pain is daily inflicted upon people by others, everywhere in the world.  To turn a blind eye to the cause of that pain is not healthy and would never eradicate the sources of the pain or the behavior of the people or institutions that cause it.  Moreover, placing the slightest tinge of blame or responsibility on oneself for the pain inflicted on them by others is horribly psychologically unhealthy.  I love this site and most of its offerings, but it is way off base with these ideas.  They would likely lead victims into depression or worse.  It is far better to face reality and deal with what is, placing the blame and the responsibility where it belongs.

My response to the reader:

Thank you very much for writing. You raise some of the most important points about the nature of our earthly existence.

Absolutely, pain is inflicted upon us daily by others who don't know us personally (politicians, investment bankers, etc), by natural forces [God?] (diseases, hurricanes, earthquakes, etc.), as well as by those who know us personally and may wish us harm.

I fully agree with you that one should recognize the sources of our pain, and certainly that we must not blame ourselves for the pain.

Now, the question is how to best deal with the circumstances we are subjected to. One choice is to say, "woe is me, I am a helpless victim, please feel sorry for me." A second choice is to become enraged and to focus one's energies on searching for a way to inflict revenge. A third choice is to live the happiest and most productive life we can in the face of the circumstances life has dealt us.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
- Buddhist proverb

My personal choice, and the choice I advocate for my readers, is to avoid labeling myself a "victim," to avoid resentments and regrets, to avoid anger and any attempt at revenge, and to be as happy and productive as I can.

And yes, I very much do choose to take action against people or forces that cause me pain - not from the perspective of anger/revenge, but from the perspective of preventing further harm to myself or others. (Consider a hurricane. One can't very well take revenge on a hurricane, but one can rebuild further from the ocean, and use stronger construction techniques.)

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
   

Abundance or Scarcity? Love or Fear?

Know that fear is your worst enemy -
perhaps your only enemy.
- jlh

Life in abundance comes only through great love.
- Elbert Hubbard

Abundance or Scarcity? Love or Fear?

Most of the time, most people live their lives out of a sense of scarcity - the feeling that there isn't enough to go around, and that they have to fight other people for what there is.

A mentality of scarcity - of lack - is the natural consequence of viewing the world through eyes of fear. When one is fearful of the future, one develops a "bunker mentality" - hoarding what one has, and scheming, or even resorting to force, to attempt to get more - at the expense of others. When one views life through eyes of fear, there can be no generosity, love, or even mutual cooperation.

In contrast, when you view the world through eyes of love, the future becomes unlimited. Cooperation and generosity are natural expressions of love. A perspective of love generates confidence in the unlimited bounty of the universe.

Truly, there are only two ways to view the world: through eyes of love, or through eyes of fear. Most of us spend some of our time wearing one set of glasses, and some time wearing the other, but nonetheless, these are the two ways in which life can be seen.

In Your Personal Life

For myself, generosity - being a "Good Samaritan" - is a moral imperative. But, beyond that, love, cooperation and generosity simply work better than fear and a "bunker mentality" for several practical reasons.

1. Whatever happens in the "real" world, you will be much happier if you are confident rather than fearful. Happier if you love people and befriend them, rather than fearing them and distancing yourself. Happier if you work cooperatively with people, rather than competing against them.

2. Cooperation and generosity really do get better results than competition and hoarding. Help your co-worker finish a project; shovel your neighbor's driveway; share some of your wisdom with someone starting out in business. Try it. You will be surprised by how often the favor gets returned - and by the unexpected ways in which your gift is reciprocated.

3. I have no scientific proof for Karma, but in my own life it is very real. Do good, and good is returned. Do harm, and you will suffer.

In the World (caution, political opinion)

Even passing over the morality of caring for the young, the old, and the physically or mentally infirm, cooperation and generosity are good for a country. An economy is healthy only when money circulates, rather than being hoarded - either by corporations or by wealthy individuals.

The United States is currently suffering from a stagnation caused by a mentality of fear. When there are many people ready and able to work, and for whom there are no jobs, something is seriously wrong.

Forget microscopic analysis, and look at the BIG picture... During World War II, people pulled together and did what needed to be done. There was a job for everyone. It hasn't happened since.

We have bridges decaying, children unfed and unschooled, sick people left to die in pain. And at the same time, we say we don't have a job for everyone.

With all that work that truly needs to be done, and people ready to do that work, if we could only replace our national fear and "bunker mentality" with love, cooperation, and generosity, imagine what we could accomplish.

My fellow Americans:
ask not what your country can do for you -
ask what you can do for your country.
- John F. Kennedy