You Don't Own Me

You Don't Own Me.
- song by John Madara and David White

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

He that is jealous is not in love.
- Saint Augustine

We really have to understand the person we want to love.
If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.
If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our
own needs and ignore the needs of the other person,
we cannot love.
- Thich Nhat Hanh

You know you love someone when you know
you want them to be happy,
even if their happiness means
that you are not a part of it.
- Anonymous
      

Falling in Love

Reader's question: Need advice from you Sir! Is it good to fall in love????

My Reply:

“Fall in love” is such an interesting expression.

It is good to love others.  It is good to have an exclusive sexual relationship in which the partners truly care about, and respect, each other. It is never good to be needy, or to feel dependent upon another.

Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran

Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Love is granting another the space to be
the way they are and the way they are not.
- Werner Erhard

Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Read my article How to Avoid Falling in Love with Love

If you have a more specific question, please email me again at sail7 @ sail7 . com

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Thoughts on Trust

Trust is not necessary when you don't want or need anything.
If you are wondering whether you can "trust" someone,
look closely at what it is you think you need or want from them.
When you need or want nothing, trust is not an issue.
- Neale Donald Walsch

Hmmm?!? Really?

I generally agree with Neale Donald Walsch, and always find his ideas thought provoking. However completely dismissing the value of "trust" seems extreme.

"Trust" seems to me to be yet another of the many domains in which a moderate perspective is best. I do agree that "trust" is generally overvalued by those who are needy and insecure. Consider the demand to "trust" that a relationship will never grow beyond its current boundaries -- that current personal or business partners will never wish to expand and move on. Surely, that exhibits neediness and insecurity.

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Our loved ones -
whether by blood, by marriage, or by choice -
are delicate treasures.
If we hold them too close, they break -
as a butterfly would.
By honoring and enjoying
the freedom of our loved ones,
we gain our own freedom.
Have the courage to trust that
the beautiful butterflies of your life
will return - or not - as life intends.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

On the other hand, I contend that certain levels of trust are essential. You really do need to trust that your spouse won't slit your throat while you sleep. To do otherwise would be paranoid, and create a miserable life.

So where to draw the line on "trust?" When do you believe what your spouse, or your business partner, or your banker, or a politician says -- and when do you verify? It must be a balance -- determined by what gives you the greatest quality of life.

You may be deceived if you trust too much,
but you will live in torment
if you don't trust enough.
- Frank Crane

Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters
cannot be trusted in large ones either.
- Albert Einstein

Is Hope Futile?

Question: I have tried goal setting and hoped for many things, but not one of them has ever happened.  In fact if I really take off after something, that is an absolute 100% guarantee it won't happen. Is hope futile?

My Answer:

There are a number of steps on the path to success - and you need all of them.

1. Believe that God wants good things for you.

Our prayers should be for blessings in general,
for God knows best what is good for us.
- Socrates

2. Believe in yourself - develop self-esteem.
(see How to Build Self Esteem)

Believe in yourself. Have faith in your abilities.
Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers
you cannot be successful or happy.
- Norman Vincent Peale

3. Take action toward your goals - every day.

You can't cross the sea merely by
standing and staring at the water.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Achievement seems to be connected with action.
Successful men and women keep moving.
They make mistakes, but they don't quit.
- Conrad Hilton

4. Accept "failure" when it comes. "Failure" may mean either that you have learned something that will enable you to "succeed" next time, or that God has chosen something better for you than what you asked for - even if it doesn't seem so at the time.

Success consists of going from failure to failure
without loss of enthusiasm.
- Winston Churchill

A wonderful gift may not be wrapped as you expect.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

(also see A wonderful gift may not be wrapped as you expect
and Maybe So, Maybe Not. - Ancient Taoist Proverb)

5. Never stop trying. Look for new paths toward your highest level goal (your life mission) - and do not get stuck in repeating old methods that didn't work.

Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.
- Napoleon Hill

If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
- Michael Jordan


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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Great Truths

There are trivial truths and there are great truths.
The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false.
The opposite of a great truth is also true.
- Niels Bohr

Niels Bohr, the great Danish physicist who received the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1922 for his fundamental contributions to the understanding of atomic structure and quantum mechanics, is making a point that is very Zen - or very Taoist if one prefers.

An example of a "great truth" for which the opposite is also true is the statement, "You are not your body; you are not your mind." While it is very true, if one so believes, that the "real you" is neither physical nor mental, it is simultaneously true that your body and your mind are very real, and ignoring their reality is likely to cause great suffering.

Another example of a "great truth" is the Golden Rule. It is true that we should treat others as we wish to be treated in the sense of being kind and compassionate to everyone. Yet the opposite of the Golden Rule is also true in the sense that it is kind and compassionate to recognize that everyone is called to a different life path and to honor those differences.

The water in a vessel is sparkling; the water in the sea is dark.
The small truth has words which are clear; the great truth has great silence.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Lao Tzu: The words of truth are always paradoxical.