Social Obligations

There are legal obligations, such as paying your mortgage. There are moral obligations, such as giving good care to your children and helping those in need. And then there are social obligations.

Often, others would like you to believe that social obligations are moral obligations, but the distinction is clear, and of vital importance to the joy and satisfaction you create in your life.

If you feel obligated to have dinner with your mother-in-law every Sunday, that is a social obligation. If you feel obligated to vote the way your father votes, that is a social obligation. If you feel obligated to remain in the town you grew up in, that is a social obligation (unless you are actively providing care to your parents or someone else).

Social obligations are perpetuated by habit. It takes real courage to confront long-standing social "obligations" - to call them what they are - and to break with tradition and make the tough choices that are best in the long run for yourself and those you love.

Focus on the "New" in New Year, and make today the day you choose to break old habits that no longer serve you. Make today the day to end social "obligations" that exist only out of habit. Face the possible embarrassment of telling your friends and family that you are now making choices that best serve yourself and your children - without regard to old habits and expectations.

Break Old Patterns of Action

I do it. You do it. Most of the actions each of us take every day are based on reacting to a situation, rather than carefully considering it.

If we encounter a situation that feels different from anything we have ever encountered, we may actually stop to think before we act. But generally whatever happens feels familiar, even though this exact thing never happened before. And we instinctively take the same action we took in apparently similar situations.

For example, if we are approached by a person with a limp dressed in shabby clothes, we KNOW that person is a panhandler, and ignore the possibility that they need directions, or have useful information to share with us.

As an exercise in breaking habitual patterns of action, stretch yourself by...

1. Attending a worship service of a different denomination than your own - preferably one you don't feel at all called to - and listen attentively and openly to every word.

2. Attending a political rally of the "other" political party and listening attentively and openly.

3. Taking a walk in a neighborhood where predominately "other" kinds of people live. Shop in a neighborhood store. Listen openly to the conversations around you. Be conscious if you feel fear, and examine what concerns you.

4. Inviting your least favorite relative to lunch, and just listening to their ideas and values without interrupting, arguing, or even expressing your own differing point of view.